On-Air Talent & Newsroom Staff
Anchors, senior correspondents, debate analysts, and production staff across Barely Informed News.
Newsroom Anchors & Senior Correspondents
| Contributor | Broadcast Role | Portfolio / Description |
|---|---|---|
| Case Blackwell | Lead Anchor & Managing Editor | Primary broadcast anchor and managing editor of Barely Informed News |
| Munch (Ralph Munchcut) | Senior Debate Analyst | Fiery political commentator opposite Crum with messy silver hair |
| Crum (Leonard Crum) | Senior Debate Analyst | Fragile debate commentator with severe gambling liabilities and existential dread |
| Pepito | Executive Producer | Canine broadcast executive running the control room and opening every broadcast |
| Chet (Chet Manscape) | Chief Science Correspondent | Investigative science correspondent dispatched whenever “science” is uttered |
| ChetAI | Synthetic AI Analyst | Chet’s neural network co-host operating directly through the studio monitors |
| Hype Train | Cultural & Musical Correspondent | High-velocity locomotive correspondent accompanied by his panther partner |
| Brandon (CryptoZeu$) | Gaming & Culture Correspondent | Remote gaming anchor broadcasting from his bedroom amidst maternal interruptions |
| Jeff Ripple | Studio News Correspondent | Rapid-response desk reporter and viewer comment analyst |
| Peter Gibbon | News Stowaway (Former Producer) | Disgraced former producer ousted from management who inhabits the studio wall crawlspaces |
| Rick | Tactical Web Analyst | Veteran tactical correspondent and anchor of Amongst the Web |
| DJ Newsic | News-Singing DJ & Finale Anchor | Bright blue-haired electronic artist singing news with heavy auto-tune over techno beats |
| DJ C4 | In-House Song Composer & Producer | Resident studio composer creating correspondent themes and anthems in DJC4 Studios with AI assistance |
Special Correspondents, Legal Counsel & Guests
Guest contributors, legal counsel, and special broadcast interviewees appearing on Barely Informed News.
| Contributor | Broadcast Role | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Tommy Biglaw | Legal Counsel | High-priced infant attorney with a baby-talk lisp; also serves as “Big Tommy Prosecutor” |
| Cremus Tremando | Occult & Mystical Consultant | Freelance mystic sorcerer retained for supernatural broadcast emergencies |
| Abraham Lincoln | Spectral Contributor | High-pitched metaphysical projection of the 16th US President; calls out network Beyblade debts and rap-battles Hype Train |
| Jeb’s Dad | Co-Host (How To with Jeb) | Deceased patriarch whose cantankerous spirit is trapped in a pine board; openly favors Jet Nogget over Jeb |
| Hate Sock | Town Hall Contributor | Hostile grey sock puppet with googly eyes whose vocabulary consists entirely of “You wish” and “Dumbass” |
| Gianna Wettmichel | Guest Contributor | Outspoken returning correspondent who seized the anchor desk to warn viewers of Danny Phantom’s supernatural dangers |
| Christian | In-Studio Contributor | In-studio guest announcer and production runner |
| Slightly Thick Waluigi | Call-In Guest | Brooklyn-accented telephone interviewee claiming involvement in historical assassinations |
| Grandma Crumble Bottom | Guest Host (Amongst the Web) | Outspoken senior guest anchor who restored vision via solar sky lasers and laments cooking foot bunions for her late husband |
| Liliana | News Desk Co-Anchor | Irreverent desk partner returning from a year-long sabbatical with vacation photos and PTO demands |
| Marfus Darfus | Guest Host (Amongst the Web) | Asexual viral media critic introduced as “Marfis Darfus” who hands down decimal ratings (e.g. 6.44) |
| Jeb Nogget | Host (How To with Jeb) | Wood shop host of rogue instructional block, co-hosting with his deceased father trapped in a wooden board |
| Kendelle | In-Studio Presence | Case Blackwell’s real-life and in-show girlfriend who appears walking through the streaming studio to her own signature theme music |
| Danny Phantasmic | Cultural Guest Correspondent | Tiny British folk-horror analyst with oversized hands and a tongue that cannot be concealed |
| AI Rooney | Cyborg Commentator (Retired) | Proprietary computational news cyborg modeled on Andy Rooney; delivered escalating 60-Minutes-style rants on audience-submitted topics until forced into retirement |
| Baseball Man | Studio Guest | Bewildered guest booked instead of Pablo Sanchez who communicates exclusively in “the language of baseball” |
| Live ‘n Sleazy | Technical Contributor / Master Mod | Long-time master moderator and technical contributor assisting with stream features and segment clip curation |
| Brandon’s Mother | Unseen Family Voice | Brandon’s loud-mouthed mother who screams through his bedroom door during gaming broadcasts |
| Trip Bradstein | Field Correspondent | Park-dwelling field correspondent broadcasting from the bushes and interviewing park visitors for their audience-submitted opinions |
| Dr. Chath | Minor-Character Therapist / Consultant | Eccentric counseling consultant presiding over the Therapy desk, fielding viewer prompts and offering confusing wrestling and dance-based guidance |
| Granman | Minor Guest Host (Amongst the Web) | Blunt guest critic of viewer clips; athletic-sock crusader and occasional web-desk host |
| Jazz Shrimp | Minor Culinary-Music Correspondent | Tempura-fried jazz shrimp who debates food critics over his claim to be the greatest jazz shrimp of all time |
| Steak | Guest Artist | Collaborator on the Thump Steaks theme song with DJ C4 |
See also: Crum Dick Punch, Munch & Crum.